Another Random Friday

* Started the day off right. I woke the kids shouting "Get outta yer berths ye stinkin' bilge rats, there be decks that need a-swabbin', an' scurvy lands ta plunderrrrr. Arrr!" Apparently THEY didn't know it was International Talk-Like-A-Pirate Day. Landlubbers.

* Played a rousing match of "Pinecone Hockey" or "Pockey!" as He likes to call it, with the Boy as we waited for the bus. He claims I cheated but I could have sworn hip-checking was in the rules somewhere. I think he might have killed that little pine tree. He landed in it pretty hard. ps: I totally won!

* I had another case of the Drive-thru stupids this morning. Usually, my M.O. is ,I pay and then drive off without my coffee. THIS time I was trying to order in a pirate voice and I said "I'll have two chocolate chip muffins, two milks and a Cafe mocha, me hearty! To Go!" It made the chick wearing the headset laugh. She shot back. "Are you sure you want that 'to go'? You could just sit out there in the car for a while and enjoy your breakfast." I was so focused on my Piratese that I wasn't concentrating on the content of my message. Stupid trying to talk like a pirate.

* Looks to be a long quiet weekend for me. I'm looking forward to that. More time watching porn collecting my thoughts and working on the new novel. Yeah. That sounds believable. Assuming you also believe in unicorns and that newly nominated Shiny Thing, Sara Palin, is a qualified vice presidential candidate. Wait...what?

*I was wishing they had International Talk-Like-A-Ninja day, but then I realized that a ninja who talked would be a very shitty ninja. It's hard to silently deal death onto your foes when you are chattering on and on about cupcakes or Scrabble or how awesome bacon is or whatever*.

*We just had our bi-annual fire drill at work. It's funny watching the waddling herd of 50-something, plaid polyester shirt-wearing, velcro shoe-having, Viagra dependent,flaccid bellied old men, grouse their way out of the building and stand in circles talking about how awesome John McCain is and what a shame it is that we live in a state that is permanently blue thanks to all the "Jews and Faggots" in New York City. I've often contemplated running into their midst and making loud, startling noises...just to see if I can make some of them drop dead.


*I have now mentioned Pirates, Ninjas, coffee, cupcakes, bacon and masturbating in one session, officially making this the most awesome blog ever. Some people might say I was a legend. I would have to reluctantly agree.

15 comments

Kinley Breene said...

i'm having national talk like a ninja day!! it requires saying nothing all day... and whipping throwing stars at anyone that annoys me.

its a great day.

Kurt said...

I'm totally down.

Anonymous said...

Bwahahahaha! If you can order like a pirate, I'm sure you can run amongst the enemy in a threatening way. I'm thinking you should flap your arms slowly and gracefully -OOH! Wearing a yarlmuke (i think that's right...) and squawking, "Cock COCK COCK cooooock!" You'll have two of their biggest fears covered, and should be able to take down at LEAST two or three. You MAY have to grab a crotch or two, but it's for a good cause:)

Now THAT is legendary!

Alternately... Maybe you could just wear matching head and wrist bands and juhj your hair and make kissy faces at them in the halls. It might not kill them, but I'm sure it would be fun.

Now I needs a Cafe Mocha, YAR! ~OM

Kurt said...

@Infinity Cocks: Of course you think I should yell your name at them. That's free advertising. :)

Anonymous said...

Most awesome blog ever...yes.
Most awesome comment ever goes to the ~OM~!!! Crack me up!

Mary

Anonymous said...

Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha! Thas riiiiiight, say my name:D ~OM

Kurt said...

@Mary: She always brings her "A" game. She's a varsity commenter.

Jaimi said...

No one here knew it was Talk like a Pirate Day. So my pirate t-shirt that says, "Aarrrrgghhh, ya free Saturday?" with a pirate head underneath had no punch. Stupid joke killers.

Kurt said...

@Jaimi: Where do you work? Communist Russia? A sweatshop?

Char said...

arggggg...yep, that's about I got. because I was wasted away again in Margaritaville this week.. woot woot

and I was shipwrecked on a sand bar and was also surrounded by jellyfish. (no lie)

Kurt said...

Luckily, today "aaarg!" is all you need!

Mandy said...

And I would have been happy with JUST masturbation and bacon!

Heather said...

I didn't even know it was "Talk Like A Pirate Day" and I wore my shirt anyway.

I'm just awesome like that.

Grey Street Girl said...

I drank out of your pirate coffee cup in honor of this blessed holiday.

Don't worry, I'll wash my filthy germs off of it before you get here.

Cynthia said...

I thought I was the only one who paid for their coffee (tea latte) and then drove off without it.

Obviously a sign of genius.