Vox Nihilim

* I keep having to send emails to a guy in Germany whose last name is "Schlünß". Okay... the omluts are cool, but how the fuck do you pronounce that "ß" letter? It's not a "B", although I think "Schlunb" is a pretty funny last name. Like something you'd give a cartoon villian. He would totally drop a brick on his foot and then hop around, jumping on one leg whilst swearing in German. Ha ha ha. Silly Schlunb.


* I watched Obama's acceptance speech in its entirety (and by "entirety" I mean up until about the 24 minute mark, when I was distracted by a sandwich and then went back to watching "Shaun of the Dead". I feel I can now properly engage in political dialogue. I think the thing I like best about Barack is his ears. I bet he has like super-hearing and shit. I know this is the easy joke about him, but no one else seems to want to make it. That should probably tell me something, in terms of common sense. Hmmm...Nope. I got nothing. HE HAS REALLY BIG EARS!!! HAHAHAHAHAHHA!

If you vote for McCain, you might as well put a Mummy whose tomb you've desecrated in the White House. Because he is also old and will kill us all.

*I have watched all three "Resident Evil" movies in the last week. They started out strong (Mila Jovovich's boobies in the first five minutes!) and ended weak. (No boobies, bad plot) This, plus Shaun of the Dead brings my Zombie Movie count up to 4 for a 5 day period. I think we can all agree that makes me an expert.

*I'm thinking of taking next week off from blogging. I need to get some other writing done, and all this genius takes a lot of effort. Just imagine if you had to solve all the world's problems everyday and then the next morning when you woke up, you had to solve them all again. That's what it's like for us superheroes.

Have a great long weekend! Here's some Shaun for You:







Shaun Of The Dead Trailer

Two days ago there was an article in the Associated Press about ninjas. It wasn't a cool, awesome thought-piece about how these masters of the arcane bring swift death to their enemies. Which is what any article involving ninjas SHOULD be about. It was about two douchebags from NJ who were arrested on weapons charges when they were pulled over (in full ninja costume!) and it was discovered they were carrying an assortment of nunchucks, throwing stars, katanas, and various throwing knives.

With all that weaponry what were they doing? Storming a fortified compound? Assassinating a rival warlord? Kidnapping a foreign princess?

No. They were sending nasty letters to drug dealers.

When asked about their methodology:

"First we tried sneaking around the bushes, but we couldn't because the bushes were too thick. So we went for the more subtle, just, um, like hit and run approach, where we'd just run in there, slap the letter, and just run out of there as quickly as possible."

I feel the need to point out that no ninja EVER was stopped from completely his mission with extreme prejudice because "the bushes were too thick". Also...ninjas do NOT get pulled over for speeding.

In an effort to help, I have compiled a short list of other things Ninjas do and do not do. Feel free to print it out and distribute it as necessary.

Ninjas DO NOT:

1) have tickle fights.
2) play World of Warcraft.
3) sleep in footie-jammies.
4) gossip.
5) make obscene phone calls.
6) ask if they can post-date a check.
7) wear loafers...ever.
8) argue about who's turn it is to pick a TV show.
9) text message.
10) make "your mom" jokes whilst on a mission.

Ninjas DO:

1) kill ruthlessly.
2) move silently.
3) eat all their dinner.
4) expect their pizza in 30 minutes or less.
5) go to the zoo to wrestle the bears.
6) show up on time for dates (except for dates with death!)
7) finish "hard" suduko boards without looking in the back or writing little numbers in the corners.
8) wear condoms.
9) know how to play "Eruption" on the guitar.
10) Read The Real Ultimate Power, to make sure they are getting it right.*


Video of NJ ninjas: here!

*The greatest book on ninjas ever written!