Nero is Tuning His Fiddle.

Still having "The Block", so if you were hoping for a major glut of fresh, invigorating and rejuvenating content from me, you might just want to close this down and go have a nap or beat off or something. Sorry. I can't deal with that kind of pressure right now. There are only 26 days left until the election, and the whole of America seems on the verge of imploding. Now, I'm not strictly opposed to that...but I do watch with growing apprehension as the gap between Obama and Ol' Man McCain refuses to grow at any kind of rate that makes sense. I remember the surety I felt 4 years ago that the people of this country were smart, and would never vote in THAT idiot again.

So now I can't sleep at night.

Here...let me tell you a story.                                                                                                

A tourist in New York right now is getting off the train in Grand Central Station, tilting her head a little at the beautifully gilded, vaulted ceilings and asking her overweight husband with the giant fucking camera bag that she BEGGED him to leave at the hotel because it's NEW YORK and there are MUGGERS,  "What IS that smell?"

"It's okay, Baby. That's just Wall Street burning."

"Oh. Okay. Can we go try and stand in front of the windows at 30 Rock? I wanna see Matt Lauer. He's so HANDSOME now that he's graying."

"Calling it '30 Rock' doesn't make you sound like a New Yorker, you know. It just tells people you own a TV. Go stand by that clock. I wanna get a picture."

"I wish we hadn't stayed up so late. That debate ruined my night. I had really wanted to see the new 'Fringe.' "

"I know, right? I'm dragging myself this morning. Let's find a Starbucks!"

"Ooo. How metropolitan of you! People are going to think we're from Queens. Wait...Queens is the clean, white one right?"

"No. I think that's Brooklyn."

"Whatever. Let's get that coffee. Don't forget the sign!"

"Okay."
(*He's holding a sign that says "Cumberland, Ohio LUVS you Matt! xoxoxo!!"*)

The End.

Pray for us.

18 comments

Grey Street Girl said...

Awesomely funny blog. I'm beginning to think this whole, "Oooh, look at meeeee, I have writer's block!" thing is just a rouse.

Kurt said...

@GSG: Hahahaa! You're right...it's totally a trick. :)

Anonymous said...

ACK! Sometimes laughter sounds a lot like sobbing...

I hear ya. I got all pumped last election, thinking it was almost over... I went to a Pearl Jam concert on the Vote For Change Tour, that's what did it. Being there with all these people who seemed to feel the same way made me feel so hopeful.

After the election, I COULD NOT believe it. I don't think I talked for days- I'm surprised I didn't actually have to be medicated that time...

I'm feeling a lot of anxiety about it... Which makes me feel like a putz, but at the same time, how could I not? AAACK! It is beyond me how some people can be so... Fucking STUPID! ~IC

Kurt said...

@IC: I had the same depression. In my mind I say things like "He's so old...and she's so Stupid. There's NO WAY, right?" and then I remember 2004 and then I get drunk. (not really...being drunk was just a coincidence.)

Anonymous said...

Stanford Univ. released a study that race may swing this election by 6 to 8 points ... or as Mark Twain said "every country has the government it deserves ... Quick wit Kurt. Nailing it again with concise paragraphs.

Kurt said...

I saw that. Seems alarmist.

Anonymous said...

Hahahaha!!!!

I needed that after that debate...fck...I drank an entire bottle of wine and if I have a chance to document the particulars of why, it might make you shit your pants. Now THAT would be something to write about.

KKvP

Kurt said...

@KKvP: I would LOVE to hear that story. But not the shitting myself bit. Maybe you could edit out the crap-inspiring parts.

Char said...

yeah....writer's block, right

foxxx said...

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of death.

rpt ad infinitum

said for all of you and yours. And ours. And any others that are left. We're in soooo much trouble.

Jaimi said...

Quit following me around NYC.

Kurt said...

@Char: It is a SERIOUS affliction!

Kurt said...

@foxx: I think we're going to need a bigger Madonna.

Kurt said...

@Jaimi: Then stop wearing that T-shirt that says "I like it here!" with the arrow that points to an "unsavory" place. My curiosity gets the best of me.

Richard said...

You leftist pinko commie bastard Lenin-lover. Stop making fun of bovine red-staters.

Kurt said...

@Richard: Dispassionate, possibly fascist, Libertarian with a bend toward fiscal conservatism Swine! Care, Damn you! Care!

ps: If I got that wrong, you can just substitute all of the above for "motherfucker" and accept my apologies.

Richard said...

Who you calling Swine??

Char said...

seriously? serious? all caps? LOL