Give Me a Break




I was all set to blog about ninjas. Seriously. I read this great news piece about them and was totally going to share it. But then I ran across this piece of crap and my head just about exploded.

The Large Penis Support Group? Are you kidding me? I think if there is one segment of the population that does NOT need support, it's guys with giant units.

If anything I'd like to see them handicapped in some way. Maybe make 'em all wear bad shoes or sweat profusely or something.

Oh woe-is-fucking-me! My penis is giant! Isn't there anyone out there who understands? The anguish of having to be told consistently that my cock is ginormous! The horror of having women stare at my junk in fascination! The pain of knowing everyone is gossiping about my huge pork sword!

This is going to be the single largest support group of all time. I don't know a single guy who wouldn't join. Just to be able to say "Sorry. I can't go out for drinks tonight. I have a Large Penis Support Group meeting." Loudly. While looking around the room and pointing at your crotch.

I've heard that the really big ones have a harder time staying ...well ...hard, but I tend to believe this is just slander perpetuated by the normal peniied masses.

"Oh yeah...They totally can't get it up. And...AND...they always smell bad...like cheese....and women totally hate being pleased...and having orgasms...yeah... they HATE those. What women REALLY love are small-dicked dynamos who come too fast! It's a medical fact! Look it up!"

Still, do we as a society need to have support groups for people with obvious assets? Do we need to give a proverbial third leg up to people who really have at least one thing really going for them? I mean... you don't see a support group for wealthy, white, men?

Oh wait...yes you do...

It's called "The Republican Party". Those guy are a big bunch of dicks!*






*HA! It's funny because the blog is about big dicks and I CALLED them big dicks...get it?

46 comments

Mandy said...

This is the best blog you have ever written.

Kurt said...

I figured you'd show up if I mentioned wang.

Anonymous said...

"The pain of knowing everyone is gossiping about my huge pork sword!" Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha ahahahahahahahahahahahaha

You're such a peach! There's too much funny in this one! ~OM

Grey Street Girl said...

No, no, no...it's true - the ones with the really large ones can't keep it up long enough to finish. How frustrating would that be?

It's like one of those nightmarish fairy tales where the little boy wishes for the giant penis so he can get lots of snatch and is given one, but then he quickly discovers he can't use it...

Well, not for very long...only long enough to give that initial impression where a girl wonders if it's going to be the most awesome thing ever or if it's going to be the most painful thing ever....and then POOF!

A few strokes and it's out for the count. No orgasm for anyone! (to be said in Seinfeldian Soup Nazi voice.) The girl tries not to seem disappointed....The boy makes some excuse about being "tired"....

You'd need therapy too.

Kurt said...

@OM: I'm a peach without a support group, unfortunately.

Kurt said...

@GSG: I remember that fairytale. It was "The Little Penis that Could", right?

Grey Street Girl said...

I think it was "The Boy with the Golden Penis."

You should start a support group. It's high time there was one for middle-aged, white guys with a secret affinity for Dungeons & Dragons....

Oh wait, that's called an IT department.

(You know I'm totally joking with you. I know you gave up D&D a long time ago.)

Anonymous said...

Bwahahahahahahahahahhahahaha! Infinity Cocks, ovuh here! ~OM

Char said...

wait...there are guys with big dicks out there?

apparently not in Alabama

Kurt said...

@GSG: I took way more offense to "middle aged". ;)

Kurt said...

@OM: Infinity cocks makes a comeback! (That's what she said!)

Kurt said...

@Char: Dear Every guy in Alabama,
The author takes no responsibility for any comments posted herein.
xoxo,
Kurt

ps:Zing!!!

Anonymous said...

Infinity Cocks bides it's time, but is always waiting in the wings!!!!!!!

Oh... And the two elephantine peni I have witnessed? They were slightly less inflated than a girl wants to think herself responsible for. Average at full attention is somehow more impressive. Just sayin. Since I've witnessed SO MANY:p ~OM

amy said...

I can see how this is a curse disguised as a blessing. No. No. Really...
Once I find a man with a ginormous pork sword, he needs a support group.
Seriously. I feel bad for these men.
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Where do they meet and how do we find them?
Now small dicked man, tell me!

Mandy said...

Now I'm laughing at the thought of a bunch of women lurking around the doors of the church where the Big Dick Support Group meets on Sundays. Real casual-like.

I'd form an Overly Wet Pussy Support Group in the next room.

amy said...

@Mandy: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

I'll be joining you in the support group next door!

Sungodly said...

"Hi, my name's John H..."
*in chorus*: "Hi, John."
"...and I have a massive, raging rod of love." *sniffs, weeps silently*

I have no sympathy.

Kurt said...

@OM: I appreciate your expertise on the matter.

Kurt said...

@Amy: All the big ones are huddled in a room somewhere hiding from you, I suspect.

Kurt said...

@Mandy: I bet they would publish a half page ad in the New York Times about where and when they meet.

Kurt said...

@Sungodly: Exactly. The other support groups I cannot support:

I'm Too Rich!
Sick of Blowjobs.
Spouses of Nymphomaniacs
Overly Wet Pussies Anonymous*


*It's the "Anonymous" part I object to.

xo12 said...

To set the record straight, I have "encountered" a few of these guys in my life. The first time, it was awe-inspiring. But the actual sex was horrid and painful. There IS such a thing as too big. The second time I encountered one of these guys, I said, "There's just no way you're getting any closer to me with THAT THING." So, maybe they do need a support group?

Kurt said...

That really is sad.*



*in the event anyone is missing the BLISTERING sarcasm in this sentence ...allow me to clarify...

Kurt said...

Why is it my blogs about penis always get the most traffic?

Mandy said...

I just wrote a response blog to this blog. You have really moved me.

Jaimi said...

Pork sword? Seriously?

And I agree with GSG. They never stay hard.

As for the traffic, nothing draws the estrogen like a big..I meant good! dick blogs.

RebmaEiram said...

So, I guess this is to man as "Oh, I hate my big boobs" is to women.

Either way, this was exactly what I needed to read today.

floyd said...

They had to change the meetings at the VFW because of some scheduling confusion.

The lPSG (little Pricks Support Group) were pretty pissed about walking into a Large Penis meeting.

I heard it was a gawd awful mess. Men sobbing like children.

Kurt said...

@Jaimi: I wish I could take credit for "pork sword" but it's from "Juno".

Kurt said...

@rebma: Glad I could lighten your day. Bewbs are different because they are all pretty damn good.

Kurt said...

@floyd: Hahaha. Nice. I can't top that. Awesome.

Captain Cocktail said...

I got a little dick but my balls are huge. They need a support group for that...yeah.

Kurt said...

Dude! This is the internet! Didn't you get the memo? We're all supposed to claim we have big dicks!

Ad Astra said...

See. It all goes back. It's not the size, it's the technique.

Is there a support group for guys really good with their fingers? Because they need the love too ya know...

Lol

Karen ^..^ said...

Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!

"Sorry. I can't go out for drinks tonight. I have a Large Penis Support Group meeting." Loudly. While looking around the room and pointing at your crotch.

Ohmygod, that was priceless. I laughed my ass off at that one. Good stuff, funny shit!!! I needed that laugh today, thank you!!!

Grey Street Girl said...

Geez, look at all the comments. You should really write about penises more often. Maybe do some research, you know, for the writing, of course. I'd be able to provide some hands-on assistance if you need it. Just let me know.

Anonymous said...

Since I gave birth five and a half weeks ago, I would like to believe there are NO large penises ANYWHERE!! Parts that rip should not be stabbed with large pork swords! Do penises get as large as babies' heads? I know they can get pretty long, but how wide do they really get? The largest I have heard of was about Coke can wide. Smaller than a baby's head but still larger than I would ever want to encounter. I'm scaring myself!!!

...CajunSoleil

Richard said...

This blog = that means it's small.

P.S. You forgot the biggest complaint: Guys with big dicks don't get to have anal.

Kurt said...

@Ad Astra: Men who are good with their fingers don't need a support group. We need a medal.

Kurt said...

@Karen: Glad I could help.

Kurt said...

@GSG: I may need to take you up on that offer. I've seen your work and I'm impressed.

Kurt said...

@CajunSoleil: I don't know how big they get. In general, I think the less time I spend examining other mens' penises the better.

Kurt said...

@Richard: Of course, that's what it means. But then again...calling me out means it's small too.

Cynthia said...

Uh huh. So how did you happen to come across this support group? I was fuzzy on that part.

Helly said...

Big units are painful. I like average size - can better utilize them.

JodieKash said...

Late comer (pun oh-so-intended) but, yes, the big cock is good on paper but after a bit, too much like pulling taffy, chewing on Playdoh or melting an iceberg with your tongue.

Now, girth on the other hand...