Vox Nihilim

I've reached the point of diminishing returns when it comes to threatening to embarrass my daughter. This morning, The Boy and I were out on the front porch with her as she waited for the bus. Normally, we are sequestered safely inside the house so no fellow bus-riders will know that she actually has a family. Like most teenagers she is acutely aware of how uncool we are. The nice thing about her, is that she rarely seems to care. But the bus is different. If we embarrass her as she gets on the bus, she has to sit there, trapped in a metal tube while being harangued. There's nowhere to hide. This is where I come in.

Me: Hey! I know! Let's do the "Waiting for the Bus" dance! (*does horrific shuffling hillbilly dance*)
Boy: Hahahahaha! Yeah! (*does equally horrific chicken-like spasm thing*)
Girl: (*sigh*)
Me: I'm waiting for the schooool buss! I like the schooool busss!
Boy: I like to riiiiide it! I like to riiiiide it!
Girl: (*unaffected*) Are you done?
Me: Yeah. I guess so.
Boy: I like to riiiiide it. I like the schooool Busss!
Girl: Will you take him inside now?
Me: (*sigh) Yeah.I guess so.
Boy: I am in 8th grade! and I am stooopid!
Me: Okay. That's enough. Be nice.
Boy: I'm going to stay out here and dance.
Me: No you're not. Come on. Let's go eat some waffles.
Boy: Okay. (*runs inside*)
Me: You weren't even a little scared I'd embarrass you?
Girl: Nope.
Me: I'm losing my touch.
Girl: That's what she said!

I am stunned because a) She knows now I would never embarrass her on purpose, b) She totally used my best joke on me, and c) I'm her father, damnit! I'm supposed to be embarrassing, annoying and inappropriate!

Just as I'm walking inside, head hanging low from obvious failure at being a jackass, I hear the bus pull up. I watch my tall Girl stand up from her seat on the porch steps, and I realize that she really is growing up despite everything I've tried to prevent that. Just then I hear the back screen door slam shut. A blur in the driveway. I look back to see the Boy standing at the end of the driveway doing a particularly stirring rendition of the "Waiting for the Bus" dance. He keeps it up until the bus pulls away and he's laughing hysterically as I try and reprimand him without laughing.

He doesn't buy it.